Stuck In Reverse 1

(set: $triedMusic to false) There, I said it. It's happening and there's nothing I can do. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . (text-colour:red)[October 17th, 2015] Is it weird that I've been standing by the edge of my bedroom door for the last fifteen minutes and just... staring in? I still hear the music blaring from my dangling headphones. Sounds like a happy fun song, but all I can feel right now is a sharp pang of dread running through me. The house is almost empty now, except for my room. Under usual circumstances, Ammi would have screamed at me by now, or better yet, would have cleared it up all by herself. But the weird thing is, she hasn't said a word at all.. Is this her way of making me process moving out? I don't know. In the meanwhile, nothing has really changed in my room in the last nineteen years, so the thought of changing anything now just feels... wrong. All I can do is continue to stare.. (text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Some music might help]]] ] (text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[I should just get this over with.]]] ]

=|= <img src="https://maham-ismail.neocities.org/vccv.png"> (text-style:"subscript")[All artwork by ''(text-colour:red)[(link:"Sabeen Yameen")[(gotoURL:"https://linktr.ee/sabeenyameen")]]'' Interactive Story by ''(text-colour:red)[(link:"Maham Ismail")[(gotoURL:"https://mahamismail.com")]]'' ] =|= This diary belongs to (input: bind $name, "Maham")(set: $name to "Maham") (text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Open -> TheBeginning]]] ] (text-style:"subscript")[ (text-colour:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.7))[''Words to know''] Ammi (mother) Aapa (elder sister) Papa or Abbu (father) Bhaijan (elder brother) Nana Baba (grandfather)] |==|

(text-colour:red)[October 16th, 2015] I am exhausted. Absolutely exhausted. It feels like it's been such a long day... but surprise surprise, it's only a little past one in the afternoon. I can guess, because all the strangers that were swarming our house just a minute ago disappeared without a trace, including Papa. They all left for Jumma, the communal friday prayers. Even Mom left to pray at the neighbors. While here ''I'' am; the non-conformer, the infidel... just sitting here doing nothing. - Except writing to you, ofcourse. If you're at all curious about where I am right now; I'm in my living room. Or what used to be of it anyway. It feels so cold and unfamiliar. Though I suppose the cold part is because I am sitting on a sticky marble floor instead of the old dingy (but warm) carpet that I loved as a kid. They ripped it off the floor and threw it away this morning. //Sigh// (text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Everything is changing...]]] ]

(set: $triedMusic to true)(set: $carpetRolled to false)(set:$deskCleared to false)(set: $curtainsOff to false)(set: $cassettesPacked to false)(set: $booksPacked to false)(set: $bedDismantled to false)(set: $PCPacked to false)(set: $zuneIsOn to false) (if: $triedMusic is true)[Okay, enough of this pity party and this wallowing music. It's time to clear out my room. Doing this alone is admittedly quite the undertaking for me, considering it literally doubled as our family's storage room. Anything that didn't fit or so much as looked good in the other rooms, eventually ended up here... which funnily enough includes me and Aapa. She and I spent a fair share of years sleeping in the lounge, until we ended up in this room as soon as Bhaijan moved out. From then on, we had pairs of everything in here. Two closets, two desks, two chairs, two beds, two everything. Even now, with Aapa married and moved out as well, its all still there. The same as ever.] Anyway. A to-do list is in order. ''CHORES'' (text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Roll up the carpet. -> rollCarpet]]] ] (text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Clear out the desks. -> ClearoutDesk]]] ]

(set: $zuneIsOn to true) That's it, I'm too nostalgic to resist! I maneuvered the broken ON button by memory and waited intently for it to open up even if for a bit. And sure enough, it opened! The screen lit up with the Zune logo, and eventually revealed the very familiar background of me and my goofy friends from our school years. This is unreal. I browsed through the player, folder to folder. It is just as I had left it years ago. The music, the movies, the pictures, the playlists... oh the playlists. All that I couldn't possibly think to create now. I should search for the one playlist that started it all. My very first and the most special of all playlists.. ''My Playlists'' (text-style:"subscript")[(b4r:"solid")+(b4r-colour:black)[-(text-style:"blur")[▶ Ain't It Indie ]-] (b4r:"solid")+(b4r-colour:black)[- (text-style:"blur")[ ▶ Slow My Pace ] -]] (bg:(hsl:180,0.8039,0.5,0.5))[(b4r:"solid")+(b4r-colour:black)[- [[ ▶ Stuck In Reverse ]] -]] (text-style:"subscript")[(b4r:"solid")+(b4r-colour:black)[-(text-style:"blur")[ ▶ Rock Unravelled ]-] (b4r:"solid")+(b4r-colour:black)[-(text-style:"blur")[ ▶ Feeling Alternate ]-] (b4r:"solid")+(b4r-colour:black)[-(text-style:"blur")[ ▶ Scream ]-] ]

Ah. //Stuck In Reverse// You probably know this, but I created and curated this playlist with Aapa when I was as young as seven years old. It was our special ritual to perfect it. Since then, I've made several sorts of playlists over the years, but I know nothing can compare to the pure nostalgia I feel with //Stuck In Reverse//. It's a mix of 80's and 90's pop, paired with several classic rock songs that we sneaked in from Bhaijan's music. Okay, that's it! This playlist will be my jam for the rest of today! ''SONGS'' (if: $curtainsOff is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[▶ Fields of Gold -> takeOffCurtains]]] ]](if: $curtainsOff is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~▶ Fields of Gold~~]]] (if: $carpetRolled is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[▶ Tarzan Boy -> rollCarpet]]] ]](if: $carpetRolled is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~▶ Tarzan Boy~~]]] (if: $PCPacked is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[▶ Pokemon Song -> packOldPC]]] ]](if: $PCPacked is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~Pokemon Song~~] ]] (if: $cassettesPacked is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[▶ Islands In The Stream -> pacCassettes]]] ]](if: $cassettesPacked is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[~~▶ Islands In The Stream~~] ]] (if: $booksPacked is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[▶ Animal Song -> packBooks]]] ]](if: $booksPacked is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[~~▶ Animal Song~~] ]] (if: $bedDismantled is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[▶ Zephyr Song -> dismantleBed]]] ]](if: $bedDismantled is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~▶ Zephyr Song~~] ]]

(set: $triedMusic to true) Maybe some music might be good to block off all these unnecessary thoughts. It has always been my solace, something to turn to everytime I'm down, even as a kid. ♪ (bg:(hsl:270,0.8039,0.5,0.2)) [// When you're dreaming with a broken heart, Wakin' up is the hardest part..// ] ♪ [[ ( ▶ )]] But a heartbreak song right now is a little uncalled for. Not the best choice, Shuffle. ♪ (bg:(hsl:270,0.8039,0.5,0.2)) [// Then, all at once, you have to say goodbye...// ] ♪ [[ ( ▶ )]] ... Goodbyes, huh? I'll be saying a fair share of them here with this house, soon. But really, what am I doing. Why am I beating myself up over leaving an ordinary house?! (text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Get a hold of yourself.]]] ]

Ok wait, no no no. Get yourself together $name. How can //''I''//, the person who makes it a point to not attach herself to anything, magically find herself irrevocably emo towards a piece of a building? It's hilarious, and just.. sad. But it even angers me, how and why should my heart break for a place that had more furniture than space itself? A place with zero privacy, a place where I had to share anything and everything with Aapa. A place I could never alter, never change. A place where I had to live nineteen whole years, for god's sake! A place.. that was never really ours, now that I think about it. ♪(bg:(hsl:270,0.8039,0.5,0.2))[// 'Cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone.. // ] ♪ [[ ( ▶ )]] (text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[SKIP SKIP SKIP]]] ]

(set: $carpetRolled to true) <img src="https://maham-ismail.neocities.org/rug.png"> (if: $zuneIsOn is true)[ <iframe style="border-radius:12px" src="https://open.spotify.com/embed/track/273uCXd7NPrInaiNqtkOrA?utm_source=generator" width="100%" height="152" frameBorder="0" allowfullscreen="" allow="autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; fullscreen; picture-in-picture" loading="lazy"></iframe> ♪ (bg:(hsl:270,0.8039,0.5,0.2)) [//Hide and seek, I play along while rushing across the forest, Monkey business on a sunny afternoon..// ] ♪ [[ ( ▶ )]]] It's time for some rug rolling. Before doing this though, I can't help but glance over it one last time... I was always so obsessed with this rug and it's design. If you don't remember, it's a large one, full of peculiar looking geometric shapes of all sizes and colors. All the shapes fit together like one big jigsaw puzzle framed within a black border. Honestly, I don't even know where it came from, but I know it's been here for as long as I can remember. Everyday after nursery school, my six year old self used to jump from shape to shape, as if it were pieces of land and water... always striving to balance myself in the smallest shape possible. Somewhere along the way, it had even become an unspoken rule, to never step onto multiple shapes at once... but as I grew up, it only got more and more challenging... to the point that the teenage me had to eventually devise a hack of walking along the black borders to cross over to the other side. The younger me would have been annoyed, but hey, no rules broken. For old time's sake, I did just try to stand on the smallest yellow shape I can find. The funny thing is, it feels so much smaller now that I look at it. You know I HAVE to try standing on it one last time... Once I fall off the square, I'll just quietly roll it up and send it on it's way with the movers. ===|= ''CHORES'' (if: $carpetRolled is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Roll up the rug. -> rollCarpet]]] ]](if: $carpetRolled is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~Roll up the carpet.~~] ]] (if: $deskCleared is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Clear out the desks. -> ClearoutDesk]]] ]](if: $deskCleared is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[~~Clear out the desks.~~] ]](if: $carpetRolled is true)+(if: $deskCleared is true)[ (text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Take off the curtains. -> takeOffCurtains]]] ] (text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Pack up the old PC. -> packOldPC]]] ] (text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Packs up all cassettes. -> pacCassettes]]] ] (text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Sort through my books. -> packBooks]]] ] (text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Dismantle the bed. -> dismantleBed]]] ]] =|= (if: $zuneIsOn is true)[''SONGS'' (if: $curtainsOff is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[▶ Fields of Gold -> takeOffCurtains]]] ]](if: $curtainsOff is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~▶ Fields of Gold~~]]] (if: $carpetRolled is false)[(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[▶ Tarzan Boy -> rollCarpet]]]](if: $carpetRolled is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~▶ Tarzan Boy~~]]] (if: $PCPacked is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[▶ Pokemon Song -> packOldPC]]] ]](if: $PCPacked is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~Pokemon Song~~] ]] (if: $cassettesPacked is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[▶ Islands In The Stream -> pacCassettes]]] ]](if: $cassettesPacked is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[~~▶ Islands In The Stream~~] ]] (if: $booksPacked is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[▶ Animal Song -> packBooks]]] ]](if: $booksPacked is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[~~▶ Animal Song~~] ]] (if: $bedDismantled is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[▶ Zephyr Song -> dismantleBed]]] ]](if: $bedDismantled is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~▶ Zephyr Song~~] ]]] |==|

(set: $deskCleared to true) <img src="https://maham-ismail.neocities.org/desks.png"> Naturally, I should get to the messiest part of the room: my desk. One would imagine having two desks would make organization and storage easier, but not for me. All my projects, my books, my games, my art supplies and portfolios just lie here piled on top of each other. Even papers keep falling off like accidental waterfalls as soon I open a drawer. It's chaos. Pure unadulterated chaos. It took me a few hours to sort through it all, but I did it. All that's left now is my drawer. Let's dive in, shall we: Unused papers, mediocre art work, several hoarded boxes, badges, stickers, //more boxes,// old school books, movie tickets, art supplies, //even more boxes//... and wait... //What's this?// Oh my. (text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[It's a white brick with a screen.]]] ]

(set: $curtainsOff to true) <img src="https://maham-ismail.neocities.org/desks.png"> (if: $zuneIsOn is true)[ <iframe style="border-radius:12px" src="https://open.spotify.com/embed/track/5Y9Hqg5Z3EHUDDwd54FDQb?utm_source=generator" width="100%" height="152" frameBorder="0" allowfullscreen="" allow="autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; fullscreen; picture-in-picture" loading="lazy"></iframe> Everytime I think of my playlist, the first song that comes to mind is //Fields of Gold//.. ♪ (bg:(hsl:270,0.8039,0.5,0.2)) [//You'll remember me when the west wind moves Upon the fields of barley..// ] ♪ I remember it as Aapa's favorite song amongst all of them, but for me it always held a special spot in my heart. It had the ability to slow my pace and just calm me down, no matter what. And it's doing exactly that right now... As I stand on a chair unhooking curtains from the rod, I can't help but remember all the little things. Back in the day, the power in the neighborhood used to shut down for at least an hour every night.. and in those moments I always found myself just laying in bed staring at the curtains move in the light breeze as the moonlight would filter in. It was a wonderful feeling. A movie would play in my head. It still does. ♪ (bg:(hsl:270,0.8039,0.5,0.2)) [//I never made promises lightly And there have been some that I've broken But I swear in the days still left We'll walk in fields of gold...// ] ♪ I wrap up the curtains and push them into the best fitting box I could. //Phew.// Done.](if: $zuneIsOn is false)[I should take a break and do one of the easier tasks for now... like maybe taking off the curtains. But great, the power went out. It doesn't make too much of a difference though, specially with the breeze blowing in from the window. I just stood on the chair unhooking curtains from the rod and I could feel the wonderful breeze. It's things like these that always kept me calm back then, even when there wasn't much to do when the power would go out. I often used to spend this time daydreaming or picking up a light book to read by the window sill. As a grown up now, such moments have been so hard to find, but maybe I need to make them instead of search for them... But the question is, will I ever find such perfect window sill again? I'm not sure.] (if: $carpetRolled is true and $deskCleared is true and $curtainsOff is true and $PCPacked is true and $cassettesPacked is true and $booksPacked is true and $bedDismantled is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Finally, all done -> finallyalldone]]] ]] ===|= ''CHORES'' (if: $carpetRolled is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Roll up the carpet. -> rollCarpet]]] ]](if: $carpetRolled is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~Roll up the carpet.~~] ]] (if: $deskCleared is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Clear out the desks. -> ClearoutDesk]]] ]](if: $deskCleared is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[~~Clear out the desks.~~] ]] (if: $curtainsOff is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Take off the curtains. -> takeOffCurtains]]] ]](if: $curtainsOff is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~Take off the curtains.~~] ]] (if: $PCPacked is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Pack up the old PC. -> packOldPC]]] ]](if: $PCPacked is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~Pack up the old PC.~~] ]] (if: $cassettesPacked is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Pack up all cassettes. -> pacCassettes]]] ] (text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Sort through my books. -> packBooks]]] ]](if: $cassettesPacked is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~Packs up all cassettes.~~] ]] (if: $booksPacked is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Sort through my books. -> packBooks]]] ]](if: $booksPacked is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~Sort through my books.~~] ]] (if: $bedDismantled is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Dismantle the bed. -> dismantleBed]]] ]](if: $bedDismantled is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~Dismantle the bed.~~] ]] =|= (if: $zuneIsOn is true)[''SONGS'' (if: $curtainsOff is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[▶ Fields of Gold -> takeOffCurtains]]] ]](if: $curtainsOff is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~▶ Fields of Gold~~]]] (if: $carpetRolled is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[▶ Tarzan Boy -> rollCarpet]]] ]](if: $carpetRolled is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~▶ Tarzan Boy~~]]] (if: $PCPacked is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[▶ Pokemon Song -> packOldPC]]] ]](if: $PCPacked is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~Pokemon Song~~] ]] (if: $cassettesPacked is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[▶ Islands In The Stream -> pacCassettes]]] ]](if: $cassettesPacked is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[~~▶ Islands In The Stream~~] ]] (if: $booksPacked is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[▶ Animal Song -> packBooks]]] ]](if: $booksPacked is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[~~▶ Animal Song~~] ]] (if: $bedDismantled is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[▶ Zephyr Song -> dismantleBed]]] ]](if: $bedDismantled is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~▶ Zephyr Song~~] ]]] |==|

(set: $cassettesPacked to true) <img src="https://maham-ismail.neocities.org/desks.png"> (if: $zuneIsOn is true)[ <iframe style="border-radius:12px" src="https://open.spotify.com/embed/track/4WrwO9Un3ji5wnNySDGHwQ?utm_source=generator" width="100%" height="152" frameBorder="0" allowfullscreen="" allow="autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; fullscreen; picture-in-picture" loading="lazy"></iframe> ♪ (bg:(hsl:270,0.8039,0.5,0.2)) [//Baby, when I met you there was peace unknown, I set out to get you with a fine tooth comb// ] ♪ [[ ( ▶ )]] Ah, this song. Kenny Rogers. Well, technically Dolly Parton, but I found this on one off my Nana Baba's* many Kenny Rogers cassettes. The album on it: //Eyes That See In The Dark//, was produced in collaboration with the Bee Gees... a piece of information I did not know until very recently, but boy does it make the whole thing exponentially cooler! This was the most un-country like Kenny Rogers ever got and I loved it so much. Speaking of which, I have a whole box of cassettes to sort through under the bed.. We don't even own a cassette player in this day and age, but Ammi still kept these for some reason. The collection was passed down to us by Nana Baba, who went easily from Kenny Rogers, to Beatles to even Michael Jackson. It was difficult to engage him in conversations, but with music, it was so easy. I reluctantly shut the box up again. I know I don't want to, but they all gotta go... If I don't, I'm just a hoarder. But maybe I'll keep that one Kenny Roger's album, you know, just to remember him by. //Sigh//] (if: $zuneIsOn is false)[Next up, Nana Baba's old cassettes. Ammi has had them tucked away in a box under my bed for years and years now; and in this day and age, it's definitely safe to say that its weird to still own cassettes. Maybe this was her attempt to feel closer to her Abbu? Or maybe she's just an incessant hoarder, like me. Probably both. Nana Baba was a wild personality. It was difficult to engage him in conversations, but with music, it was so easy. He went from Kenny Rogers, to Beatles to even Michael Jackson. I can't help but sigh. One of the cassettes we had was //Eyes That See In The Dark// by Kenny Rogers, which is to this day, still one of my favorite albums of all time. And now that I know the Bee Gees produced it, it only makes it exponentially cooler. Maybe I'll keep just this one cassette... You never know when I might need it.] (if: $carpetRolled is true and $deskCleared is true and $curtainsOff is true and $PCPacked is true and $cassettesPacked is true and $booksPacked is true and $bedDismantled is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Finally, all done -> finallyalldone]]] ]] ===|= ''CHORES'' (if: $carpetRolled is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Roll up the carpet. -> rollCarpet]]] ]](if: $carpetRolled is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~Roll up the carpet.~~] ]] (if: $deskCleared is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Clear out the desks. -> ClearoutDesk]]] ]](if: $deskCleared is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[~~Clear out the desks.~~] ]] (if: $curtainsOff is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Take off the curtains. -> takeOffCurtains]]] ]](if: $curtainsOff is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~Take off the curtains.~~] ]] (if: $PCPacked is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Pack up the old PC. -> packOldPC]]] ]](if: $PCPacked is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~Pack up the old PC.~~] ]] (if: $cassettesPacked is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Pack up all cassettes. -> pacCassettes]]] ] (text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Sort through my books. -> packBooks]]] ]](if: $cassettesPacked is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~Packs up all cassettes.~~] ]] (if: $booksPacked is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Sort through my books. -> packBooks]]] ]](if: $booksPacked is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~Sort through my books.~~] ]] (if: $bedDismantled is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Dismantle the bed. -> dismantleBed]]] ]](if: $bedDismantled is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~Dismantle the bed.~~] ]] =|= (if: $zuneIsOn is true)[''SONGS'' (if: $curtainsOff is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[▶ Fields of Gold -> takeOffCurtains]]] ]](if: $curtainsOff is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~▶ Fields of Gold~~]]] (if: $carpetRolled is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[▶ Tarzan Boy -> rollCarpet]]] ]](if: $carpetRolled is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~▶ Tarzan Boy~~]]] (if: $PCPacked is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[▶ Pokemon Song -> packOldPC]]] ]](if: $PCPacked is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~Pokemon Song~~] ]] (if: $cassettesPacked is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[▶ Islands In The Stream -> pacCassettes]]] ]](if: $cassettesPacked is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[~~▶ Islands In The Stream~~] ]] (if: $booksPacked is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[▶ Animal Song -> packBooks]]] ]](if: $booksPacked is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[~~▶ Animal Song~~] ]] (if: $bedDismantled is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[▶ Zephyr Song -> dismantleBed]]] ]](if: $bedDismantled is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~▶ Zephyr Song~~] ]]] |==|

(set: $booksPacked to true) <img src="https://maham-ismail.neocities.org/desks.png"> (if: $zuneIsOn is true)[ <iframe style="border-radius:12px" src="https://open.spotify.com/embed/track/6BOyy15p1nMVoe6pXzE9Ff?utm_source=generator" width="100%" height="152" frameBorder="0" allowfullscreen="" allow="autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; fullscreen; picture-in-picture" loading="lazy"></iframe> ♪ (bg:(hsl:270,0.8039,0.5,0.2)) [//Animals and children tell the truth, they never lie, Which one is more human There's a thought, now you decide!// ] ♪ [[ ( ▶ )]] As I slowly move on to working on the shelves, taking books upon books off and into boxes, I just realized the song that was playing. //The Animal Song//!! So many memories. It reminds me of those rare school day afternoons where I'd get our room all to myself for a blissful few hours. It was a big deal back then. I would spend all of afternoon holed up in there; plotting out storylines, acting them out; jumping around the bed and hanging by the shelves. I ALWAYS had this song playing in my head, if not out loud. It's the one that inspired me the most to let my imagination run wild. It was a wonderful feeling, and Savage Garden certainly had a way with words. Even as a kid though, I knew I would eventually have to let this habit go... It took me a while to replace it with reading books, comics, poems and even writing some too. But even now, I plan and act out several plotlines and movie scenes before falling asleep every night. It's my way of keeping the spirit and that feeling alive. Sigh, those were the days. ](if: $zuneIsOn is false)[ I should work on the book shelves now. It's extensive work wrapping up all the books, since the shelves take up one entire wall of the room. We have always had an evergrowing collection of books and magazines, so it's not been easy letting go. Ammi already donated all of her magazines and cook books but left me with all of mine to choose. This is going to be hard. I can't help but sift through each book one by one. All my Enid Blyton books, the //Famous Fives//, the //Secret Sevens//, the //Faraway Tree//. Sigh. They inspired me so much. They even remind me of those rare school day afternoons where I'd get our room all to myself for a blissful few hours. It was a big deal back then. I would spend all of afternoon holed up in there; plotting out storylines, acting them out; jumping around the bed and hanging by the shelves. Even though I grew out (or more like //ran out //) of Enid Blyton books to read; I replaced it with many other books, songs, comics, poems and even writing some too. It always felt important to keep imagination alive.] (if: $carpetRolled is true and $deskCleared is true and $curtainsOff is true and $PCPacked is true and $cassettesPacked is true and $booksPacked is true and $bedDismantled is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Finally, all done -> finallyalldone]]] ]] ===|= ''CHORES'' (if: $carpetRolled is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Roll up the carpet. -> rollCarpet]]] ]](if: $carpetRolled is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~Roll up the carpet.~~] ]] (if: $deskCleared is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Clear out the desks. -> ClearoutDesk]]] ]](if: $deskCleared is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[~~Clear out the desks.~~] ]] (if: $curtainsOff is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Take off the curtains. -> takeOffCurtains]]] ]](if: $curtainsOff is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~Take off the curtains.~~] ]] (if: $PCPacked is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Pack up the old PC. -> packOldPC]]] ]](if: $PCPacked is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~Pack up the old PC.~~] ]] (if: $cassettesPacked is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Pack up all cassettes. -> pacCassettes]]] ] (text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Sort through my books. -> packBooks]]] ]](if: $cassettesPacked is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~Pack up all cassettes.~~] ]] (if: $booksPacked is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Sort through my books. -> packBooks]]] ]](if: $booksPacked is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~Sort through my books.~~] ]] (if: $bedDismantled is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Dismantle the bed. -> dismantleBed]]] ]](if: $bedDismantled is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~Dismantle the bed.~~] ]] =|= (if: $zuneIsOn is true)[''SONGS'' (if: $curtainsOff is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[▶ Fields of Gold -> takeOffCurtains]]] ]](if: $curtainsOff is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~▶ Fields of Gold~~]]] (if: $carpetRolled is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[▶ Tarzan Boy -> rollCarpet]]] ]](if: $carpetRolled is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~▶ Tarzan Boy~~]]] (if: $PCPacked is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[▶ Pokemon Song -> packOldPC]]] ]](if: $PCPacked is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~Pokemon Song~~] ]] (if: $cassettesPacked is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[▶ Islands In The Stream -> pacCassettes]]] ]](if: $cassettesPacked is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[~~▶ Islands In The Stream~~] ]] (if: $booksPacked is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[▶ Animal Song -> packBooks]]] ]](if: $booksPacked is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[~~▶ Animal Song~~] ]] (if: $bedDismantled is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[▶ Zephyr Song -> dismantleBed]]] ]](if: $bedDismantled is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~▶ Zephyr Song~~] ]]] |==|

(set: $bedDismantled to true) <img src="https://maham-ismail.neocities.org/bed.png"> (if: $zuneIsOn is true)[ <iframe style="border-radius:12px" src="https://open.spotify.com/embed/track/1ndGB6rvxKYN9seCYO1dTF?utm_source=generator" width="100%" height="152" frameBorder="0" allowfullscreen="" allow="autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; fullscreen; picture-in-picture" loading="lazy"></iframe> ♪ (bg:(hsl:270,0.8039,0.5,0.2)) [//Fly away on my zephyr, I feel it more than ever..// ] ♪ It's time get the two beds out of the way. They've always been a hassle to move or to dismantle, but best believe I'm dragging these with me wherever I go. I only wonder if I'd be taking both, since Aapa doesn't need it anymore. I miss having her around. We always did something or the other, every night in bed before going to sleep. Sometimes I'd insist on us singing songs, or sometimes she'd narrating the novel she was reading to me that day. I won't ever forget how she filled me in on all of the Lord of The Rings volumes bit by bit every single night, even before I saw the movies. I remember being deathly afraid of Sauron, but I'd also often confuse him with Saruman. And sometimes, we'd just stare at the clouds pass by. Whatever we did, was special, they were our little pockets where time stood still and calm, until we drifted off to sleep. ♪ (bg:(hsl:270,0.8039,0.5,0.2)) [// And in this perfect weather We'll find a place together..// ] ♪ ] (if: $zuneIsOn is false)[ It's time get the two beds out of the way. They've always been a hassle to move or to dismantle, but best believe I'm dragging these with me wherever I go. I only wonder if I'd be taking both, since Aapa doesn't need her's anymore. I miss having Aapa around. We always did something or the other, every night in bed before going to sleep. Sometimes I'd insist on us singing songs, or sometimes she'd narrating the novel she was reading to me that day. I won't ever forget how she filled me in on all of the Lord of The Rings volumes bit by bit every single night, even before I saw the movies. I remember being deathly afraid of Sauron, but I'd also often confuse him with Saruman. On days we didn't want to talk, we'd just stare at the clouds passing by. Whatever we did though, was special. They were our special little pockets of time where everything stood still and calm, until we drifted off to sleep. This took me a while, but hey, I did it. ] (if: $carpetRolled is true and $deskCleared is true and $curtainsOff is true and $PCPacked is true and $cassettesPacked is true and $booksPacked is true and $bedDismantled is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Finally, all done -> finallyalldone]]] ]] ===|= ''CHORES'' (if: $carpetRolled is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Roll up the carpet. -> rollCarpet]]] ]](if: $carpetRolled is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~Roll up the carpet.~~] ]] (if: $deskCleared is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Clear out the desks. -> ClearoutDesk]]] ]](if: $deskCleared is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[~~Clear out the desks.~~] ]] (if: $curtainsOff is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Take off the curtains. -> takeOffCurtains]]] ]](if: $curtainsOff is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~Take off the curtains.~~] ]] (if: $PCPacked is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Pack up the old PC. -> packOldPC]]] ]](if: $PCPacked is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~Pack up the old PC.~~] ]] (if: $cassettesPacked is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Pack up all cassettes. -> pacCassettes]]] ] (text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Sort through my books. -> packBooks]]] ]](if: $cassettesPacked is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~Pack up all cassettes.~~] ]] (if: $booksPacked is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Sort through my books. -> packBooks]]] ]](if: $booksPacked is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~Sort through my books.~~] ]] (if: $bedDismantled is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Dismantle the bed. -> dismantleBed]]] ]](if: $bedDismantled is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~Dismantle the bed.~~] ]] =|= (if: $zuneIsOn is true)[''SONGS'' (if: $curtainsOff is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[▶ Fields of Gold -> takeOffCurtains]]] ]](if: $curtainsOff is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~▶ Fields of Gold~~]]] (if: $carpetRolled is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[▶ Tarzan Boy -> rollCarpet]]] ]](if: $carpetRolled is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~▶ Tarzan Boy~~]]] (if: $PCPacked is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[▶ Pokemon Song -> packOldPC]]] ]](if: $PCPacked is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~Pokemon Song~~] ]] (if: $cassettesPacked is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[▶ Islands In The Stream -> pacCassettes]]] ]](if: $cassettesPacked is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[~~▶ Islands In The Stream~~] ]] (if: $booksPacked is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[▶ Animal Song -> packBooks]]] ]](if: $booksPacked is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[~~▶ Animal Song~~] ]] (if: $bedDismantled is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[▶ Zephyr Song -> dismantleBed]]] ]](if: $bedDismantled is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~▶ Zephyr Song~~] ]]] |==|

(set: $PCPacked to true) <img src="https://maham-ismail.neocities.org/desks.png"> (if: $zuneIsOn is true)[ <iframe style="border-radius:12px" src="https://open.spotify.com/embed/track/6xG2ZGudUgtV235xvDlSEt?utm_source=generator" width="100%" height="152" frameBorder="0" allowfullscreen="" allow="autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; fullscreen; picture-in-picture" loading="lazy"></iframe> ♪ (bg:(hsl:270,0.8039,0.5,0.2)) [//I wanna be the very best, Like no one ever was...!// ] ♪ Oh my God. The first few seconds are all I need to abandon everything I'm doing and just air guitar the heck out of this song.. This and other //Pokemon// songs were the few rare additions to our otherwise mature playlist, thanks to the insistence of my seven year old self. Honestly, no one ever complained. Aapa and I loved //Pokemon//.. but let's just say I went a little farther than that. Even as I sit here trying to pack up our old desktop, I can't help but reimagine and relive very little detail of my summer vacations days. I would just sit here, exactly on this old swivel chair, refreshing //Pokemon Crater Battle Arena// intently every few seconds to change my Trainer's position. Or on lighter days, I'd just browse through// Pokemon// on the online //Pokedex //to learn or draw. This desktop is truly old, but it served it's purpose. Now it just sits here untouched in this corner of my room; too ancient to give away and too much of a relic to let go... but now that we're moving, there's very little choice in the matter. I packed all the little pieces, plugs, speakers and wires into a box and rolled the old desk out into the lounge. The small corner of my room sits empty now. I'd never seen it like this before. //Sigh.// ♪ (bg:(hsl:270,0.8039,0.5,0.2)) [//Pokemon, gotta catch 'em all!// ] ♪ ](if: $zuneIsOn is false) [Next chore in line, packing up the old desktop. I already feel the exhaustion, but it's too soon to stop now. Also, when I say our desktop is old, it's OLD. It began simply as a game console of sorts. I played all the earliest versions of //Sim City, Prince of Persia, World of Warcraft// and all old //Sega// games imaginable. It wasn't exactly mine than it was the whole family's, but I certainly used it an unproportionate amount, specially once we upgraded to the internet. I remember distinctly how I would just sit here... exactly on this old swivel chair, refreshing //Pokemon Crater Battle Arena// intently every few seconds to change my Trainer's position. On lighter days, I'd often just browse through //Pokemon// on the online //Pokedex// to draw or just to kill time that way. On this day though, the desktop just sits here untouched in this corner of my room; too ancient to give away and too much of a relic to let go... but here we are; life forcing us to make a move on. I packed all the little pieces, plugs, speakers and wires into a box and rolled the old desk out into the lounge. The small corner of my room sits empty now. I'd never seen it like this before. //Sigh// ] (if: $carpetRolled is true and $deskCleared is true and $curtainsOff is true and $PCPacked is true and $cassettesPacked is true and $booksPacked is true and $bedDismantled is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Finally, all done -> finallyalldone]]] ]] ===|= ''CHORES'' (if: $carpetRolled is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Roll up the carpet. -> rollCarpet]]] ]](if: $carpetRolled is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~Roll up the carpet.~~] ]] (if: $deskCleared is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Clear out the desks. -> ClearoutDesk]]] ]](if: $deskCleared is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[~~Clear out the desks.~~] ]] (if: $curtainsOff is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Take off the curtains. -> takeOffCurtains]]] ]](if: $curtainsOff is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~Take off the curtains.~~] ]] (if: $PCPacked is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Pack up the old PC. -> packOldPC]]] ]](if: $PCPacked is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~Pack up the old PC.~~] ]] (if: $cassettesPacked is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Pack up all cassettes. -> pacCassettes]]] ] (text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Sort through my books. -> packBooks]]] ]](if: $cassettesPacked is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~Pack up all cassettes.~~] ]] (if: $booksPacked is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Sort through my books. -> packBooks]]] ]](if: $booksPacked is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~Sort through my books.~~] ]] (if: $bedDismantled is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Dismantle the bed. -> dismantleBed]]] ]](if: $bedDismantled is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~Dismantle the bed.~~] ]] =|= (if: $zuneIsOn is true)[''SONGS'' (if: $curtainsOff is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[▶ Fields of Gold -> takeOffCurtains]]] ]](if: $curtainsOff is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~▶ Fields of Gold~~]]] (if: $carpetRolled is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[▶ Tarzan Boy -> rollCarpet]]] ]](if: $carpetRolled is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~▶ Tarzan Boy~~]]] (if: $PCPacked is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[▶ Pokemon Song -> packOldPC]]] ]](if: $PCPacked is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~Pokemon Song~~] ]] (if: $cassettesPacked is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[▶ Islands In The Stream -> pacCassettes]]] ]](if: $cassettesPacked is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[~~▶ Islands In The Stream~~] ]] (if: $booksPacked is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[▶ Animal Song -> packBooks]]] ]](if: $booksPacked is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[~~▶ Animal Song~~] ]] (if: $bedDismantled is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[▶ Zephyr Song -> dismantleBed]]] ]](if: $bedDismantled is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~▶ Zephyr Song~~] ]]] |==|

Ugh, almost fell for my classic distraction technique. I should keep working. In fact, let's add a few more chores, shall we? ''CHORES'' (if: $carpetRolled is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Roll up the carpet. -> rollCarpet]]] ]](if: $carpetRolled is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ ~~Roll up the carpet.~~] ]] (if: $deskCleared is false)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Clear out the desks. -> ClearoutDesk]]] ]](if: $deskCleared is true)[(text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[~~Clear out the desks.~~] ]](if: $carpetRolled is true)+(if:$deskCleared is true)[ (text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Take off the curtains. -> takeOffCurtains]]] ] (text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Pack up the old PC. -> packOldPC]]] ] (text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Packs up all cassettes. -> pacCassettes]]] ] (text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Sort through my books. -> packBooks]]] ] (text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Dismantle the bed. -> dismantleBed]]] ]]

(set: $triedMusic to false)(set: $carpetRolled to false)(set:$deskCleared to false)(set: $curtainsOff to false)(set: $cassettesPacked to false)(set: $booksPacked to false)(set: $bedDismantled to false)(set: $PCPacked to false)(set: $zuneIsOn to false) Okay, it's time to get this over with, once and for all. As I'm look around, I realize how big of an undertaking this is alone, considering its doubled as our family's storage room all these years. Anything that didn't fit or so much as look good in the other rooms, eventually ended up in this one... which funnily enough includes me and Aapa. She and I spent a fair share of years sleeping in the Lounge, until we ended up in this room as soon as Bhaijan moved out. From then on, we had pairs of everything in here. Two closets, two desks, two chairs, two beds, two everything. Even now, with Aapa married and moved out as well, its all still there. The same as ever.] Anyway. A to-do list is in order. ''CHORES'' (text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Roll up the rug. -> rollCarpet]]] ] (text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Clear out the desks. -> ClearoutDesk]]] ]

(set:$deskCleared to false)(set: $curtainsOff to false)(set: $cassettesPacked to false)(set: $booksPacked to false)(set: $bedDismantled to false)(set: $PCPacked to false)(set: $carpetRolled to false) I don't like change, but here I am, being plunged into it headfirst. When I left to stay at my aunt's a couple of months ago, I left with such ease of mind. I figured this place will be waiting for me once I come back, no big. I didn't even stop to think that I would be returning here only to pack up and leave again - and this time, forever... Dramatic, I know, but I can't help it. What else do I feel when I see our dining table resting against a wall without chairs? Or the sofas in the middle of the room, draped in digustingly colorful bedsheets? There's even cartons upons cartons of neatly labelled utensils sitting piled up in the corner where our TV used to be. It's a lot to process, especially in this short a time. (text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[We're moving.]]] ]

Seriously $name, get a hold of yourself. How can //''I''//, the person who makes it a point to not attach herself to anything, is now so irrevocably emo towards an ordinary little apartment? There were always more cons than there were pros with this house. We all knew that. It's been a place with more furniture than space itself. A place with zero privacy; a place where I was always sharing rooms, beds, desks, everything, with Aapa, Bhaijan or someone or the other. A place I could never alter or zhuzh up. A place where I had to live nineteen whole years without change. A place.. that was never even ours in the first place. Now here we are getting turned out over a landlord's whim, just like that. It's infuriating, but many would just say good riddance... I don't know why I can't bring myself to say it though, even now. ♪(bg:(hsl:270,0.8039,0.5,0.2))[// 'Cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone.. // ] ♪ [[ ( ▶ )]] (text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[SKIP SKIP SKIP]]] ]

Oh my God. It's my mp4 player from 2007! A Zune, they called it. It was a popular mp4 player by Microsoft back in the day. It stored (or hopefuly still// stores//) at least 20GB worth of my music, movies and pictures. Even as I hold it now, it feels just as heavy and just as big as I remember it. Definitely still good enough to break a foot or two; you know, for self-defense purposes.. I had this way before I owned a phone, and it went everywhere with me. So many songs, so many repeats of //Dirty Dancing// and //Howl's Moving Castle// under the covers after midnight. Now I can't help but wonder, is it all still there? Is it even charged? Does it even work? (text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Press the ON button.]]] ] (text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ [[Nevermind, let's keep working. -> letsKeepWorking]]] ]

Phew, I think I'm done. ... and woah. I got so lost with music and work, I forgot to notice how much emptier my room got with every chore. It look's so... eerie and spacious now. Based on how empty it looks; it seems like I had infact given my room some warmth and personality at least. It may have not been with articles of furniture I chose or posters I put up or even what color of wall I got painted... but it was the memories; the songs that every corner of this room is linked with. It became my comfy little safe space and I can't help but be thankful for it. I guess being irrevocably emo should be justified, no matter how stubborn I may try to be. Plus, we may not have owned this little apartment, but it was still us who made it a ''home ''. (text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4)) [[For one last time..]]]

For one last time, I walk around the room. I trace each wall with my fingers like I'm in some sad music video. There was no trace of me left. It felt like a terrible way to go. Before Ammi could come in to let me know we had to leave, I grabbed one of my pens from the boxes and stuck my head out of the window. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I gave my room one last look, before leaving. I felt the sadness, but there was happiness in there somewhere too. I hope my childhood home will remember me in some ways, or maybe some kid who lives here next may find a little something scribbled by the window sill someday. Who knows. [(text-style:"wavy-underline","smear")[Maham was here]] (text-rotate-z:359)[(bg:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.4))[ (text-colour:black)[[[End of Diary-> TheBeginning]]]] ]